the night before Christmas, and at “The Big House,”
Rich was at his desk pointing and clicking his mouse.
Darlene and all of the R.T. folks were there,
To help all of the patients get better air.
The talk was
of PFs, and Circulaire nebs,
And using the bronchoscope to look at blebs.
And in the ABG lab, that Maloziec chap-
Busily prepared for the survey by CAP.
When up on
the roof there arose such a clatter-
We all dashed up the stairs to see what was the matter.
We got to the door, opened it like a flash,
And to our amazement we saw a big crash.
roof had an ethereal glow,
As we saw red and green lights reflect off the snow.
By now it should seem to be perfectly clear-
On the roof was a sleigh with nine magic reindeer.
But the red
suited driver appeared to be sick-
We knew that we had to help the old man quick.
Then suddenly we heard Doc Mayda exclaim-
That to get this man better is our solo aim.
and Shelly a PF please begin!
And David and Cathy set up for some bronkin’!
And someone grab a gas - we must hurry you all;
We have to find out why this man hit the wall!”
Well the ABG
showed on this jolly old guy:
That his PCO2 reading was way too high.
He also was showing a low PO2.
He then was entrusted to the PFT crew.
And then as
we watched him blow an FV LOOP,
We heard an odd stridor, quite not unlike croup.
And we saw the tracing was an oval like round-
Not at all like the sharp angle normally found.
The data was
all there, it seemed hard to dispute:
A fixed airway obstruction, most likely acute.
So after a vow to look after his sack-
He was placed in the bronk room, carefully on his back.
quickly stated that we mustn’t tarry.
We must do this quickly or it might get hairy.
So Cathy and Dave (that dynamic duo!)
Gave Doc Mayda the scope; then he said, “here we go.”
scope, with its shiny black sheath,
Went to the epiglottis, slinking like a thief.
And then it appeared – so plainly we could all see:
The item that caused his breathing difficulty.
And so with
precision, and a cunning like stealth,
The object was extracted, restoring his health.
It was a berry, perfectly round and red.
The man then sat up, turned to face us and said:
“I love this
job so, but my favorite perk-
Is kissing the missus ‘fore I go to work.
But this year between us was some mistletoe.
I carelessly sneezed, and the rest you all know.”
He then was
given his medical dismissal,
And he lit through the sky like a patriot missile.
And we heard him exclaim as he flew out of sight:
“HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, THANK YOU ALL AND GOOD NIGHT.”